Lists.

I make lists because it’s something I can control and crossing off my own scribbles with a straight line or sometimes small scribbly circles in a different color gives me such satisfaction that it’s an obsession hard to control. Funny thing is that I do it because there are so many things in life you can’t control. You can’t control how people feel about you. You can’t control what people say, or what they think. But you can control the space between those lines on that college-ruled sheet of blank vellum. You can control that. So you do. You write down every little detail of what you hope to accomplish today, tomorrow, next year or maybe even in the next ten years. What you can’t account for are the smudges. Those perfect little interruptions that smear your perfect cursive set precisely between those lines. Life, God or whoever/whatever it is that controls this world we live in always provides our daily existence with reasons to not quite finish the list or even our attempt to cross off one line. Dealing with those incomplete tasks on my never-ending list is difficult for me and I am still learning how exactly to let the ball of my pen just roll. It’s hard when so many things… so many important things have been out of my control. Maybe that’s why I constantly seek escape. Pursuing things that never really existed in the first place. To be continued…